Falling Up: Initial sketch
Falling Up is the most improbable love story I can come up with. It is about the least romantic girl in the world, falling in love with the most romantic guy and how that might work. The whole thing is just as improbable as dropping something and having it fall up instead of down. (about as improbable as me writing a romantic story, but I could never resist a challenge).
It's in script format, as I'm using it mainly to help me figure out the complexities of the format and it's little quirks. At any rate, and ideas as to good points in between these five big milestones in the story would be greatly appreciated.
==================================
PREMISE/CHARACTER NOTES
The story is currently set in modern-day Tokyo. We'll see how this goes as the story is developed.
Ritsuko Murigota is a hardware support engineer for a large bank. Her days are zeros and ones and ledgers. She physically unremarkable in any way. There are just not enough beauticians in the world to make her sexy or cute - the best you're going to ever get with her is striking, or elegant. She's not a mouse, though. Not by a long shot - her very powerful personality and intellect often get her in trouble by expressing themselves way too forcefully. She's not exactly the most socially adept person. She can get by, but she really don't see any point to the whole thing. She has dated, but not more than a couple times. Mostly it's just group dates with the gang from work. No real loves in her life as of yet. She has a married sister and an aged father.
Hironobu Kuoga is a hugely popular star of Japanese television, most notably for a character on a long running prime-time soap. He is gorgeous not a pretty boy, but rugged and virile. Think Rufus Sewell, only oriental. He isn't a huge partier but he knows how to make himself at home in any situation. He has had a series of fairly serious relationships but he doesn't have a reputation as a rake. He's on fairly good terms with most of his exes, but there are a couple real winners in the bunch for sure. Despite all his play acting, he's never met what he considers to be a "real" woman, and he's starting to get cynical about the whole thing. His parents live in the remote village he grew up in.
Other Character Notes:
Keiko Otada is Ritusuko's younger sister. Kuwaii in every sense of the word. She worked as a secretary in a large law firm until her marriage, but now that her first child has been born she stays at home. Her main hobby in life is getting her sister married off. She met her husband due to one of her strategems. She knew a certain very cute cop habitually set up a speed trap, so one morning while they were on their way to shop she cold-bloodedly drove right past him at twice the posted speed. He and Riko didn't hit it off so good, but when she was standing in line to pay the fine she met her husband, who was there to pay a ticket of his own. The rest, as they say, is history. She's deliriously happy, and wishes she could make sure her sister was too.
Go Otada is Ritsuko's brother-in-law. A huge, placid man, he's Keiko's opposite in just about every way. He's a civil engineer by day, designing earth-stabilization systems for areas that are vulnerable to seismic activity. At home, his all-engrossing hobby is tinkering with antique cars. He cares deeply about his wife and child, and has settled happily into the life of a stereotypical "family man" without a hitch. He and Riko talk, mostly when Keiko has hatched another cack-brained scheme to get her married off. He's sympathetic to her, but mostly he just finds the entire thing funny. He's got a ne'er-do-well younger brother.
SETUP
Riko's living her life minding her own business, but her sister is trying desperately to get her married off.
Hiro - the pun is intentional, plot point of his friend teasing him with it - is trying to avoid having "relationships" because his years in the business make him believe that they don't exist except between the pages of romance novels and the soap operas he plays in.
CATALYST
RIKO and HIRO meet when KEIKO drags her to a book signing event and he's there.
EXT. STREET IN FRONT OF BOOKSTORE - DAY
KEIKO
Hurry up! Come on! You promised!
RIKO
I know, I know! Hang on a second. I have to put money in the meter.
KEIKO
I am so excited. I've been a fan for so long!
RIKO
I know. I know! Sheesh. Look, I don't recall promising that I would listen to your gushing all the way over here.
KEIKO
But isn't he just dreamy?!
(adjusts her hair by the reflection of the shop window)
RIKO shakes her head, and they enter the shop.
The place is completely packed with women from age 24 through 80. Many of them are carrying copies of a book, and there are huge posters of this guy hanging from the ceiling to match. Keiko bustles off to find the end of the line, and Riko ducks into the stacks to hide until it's all over. Riko and Hiro meet when he takes a wrong turn trying to avoid the gushing of some matron. They don't strike it off famously, but he uses the excuse of taking her for some coffee to get out of that crowd.
BENOFTMUE
His girlfriend-of-the-week leaves him, and in the process really hits him over the head with just how empty his life is.
PINCH
He accompanies her to a professional organization meeting, and it turns into a sort of a low-grade debacle as he finally gets drug face to face with how society sees her and how she sees herself.
Nothing really horrific, you understand. Mostly him and her both ending up with their feet in their mouth loudly and in some way that embarasses her in front of her colleagues.
CRISIS
They both face the professional and personal consequences of the PINCH incident. He gets some tabloid press about his weird rebound that shows up in some casting choices that hit him a bit and his previous girlfriend says some unkind thing when she's interviewed about it. Riko has to go back to work with those same guys only now they're aware that she's a girl in the most embarassing way, with the professional consequences of that - a lost minor promotion.
They've also both lost a friend, and they feel it. Particularly for her, do the whole montage of walking past the place where they met and seeing something that reminds her, the mutual friend who asks how he is the whole bit. Make it the most obviously bad string of events right out of a bad Meg Ryan flick. She sees it all happening, too, and is just furious about it not only with herself, but with the world.
SHOWDOWNS
Bu's Wedding
Even though she never really wants to see him again, she had promised she'd go and she never breaks her word. She shows up and things go fairly well at the reception for a while. She says nothing but pleasantries and he's too busy getting ready for his big moment toasting the bride and groom. They get through the formalities with him being charming but not overly so, which sort of startles his friend. Doesn't quite last, though. He says something out on the dance floor that sort of brings up the Pinch, and it turns it into her walking away and him following her out to the edge of the park where they have a huge argument.
At the climax of the whole thing, he accidentally blurts out how he really feels, and she just sort of freezes like one of her computers. She's standing there shaking her head and he's got her by the arms and is passionately declaring his feelings in the most stumbling, badly worded way. He finally staggers to a tongue-tied stop, and she's got tears running down her face and is laughing her arse off.
REALIZATION
He learns what love really feels like and comes to understand what it is about it that makes people go to the ends that they do to get it.
She comes to own that whole side of herself, and comes to terms with it.
Hopefully, the audience comes to an understanding that it isn't just the Princes and Princesses who live happily ever after.
It's in script format, as I'm using it mainly to help me figure out the complexities of the format and it's little quirks. At any rate, and ideas as to good points in between these five big milestones in the story would be greatly appreciated.
==================================
PREMISE/CHARACTER NOTES
The story is currently set in modern-day Tokyo. We'll see how this goes as the story is developed.
Ritsuko Murigota is a hardware support engineer for a large bank. Her days are zeros and ones and ledgers. She physically unremarkable in any way. There are just not enough beauticians in the world to make her sexy or cute - the best you're going to ever get with her is striking, or elegant. She's not a mouse, though. Not by a long shot - her very powerful personality and intellect often get her in trouble by expressing themselves way too forcefully. She's not exactly the most socially adept person. She can get by, but she really don't see any point to the whole thing. She has dated, but not more than a couple times. Mostly it's just group dates with the gang from work. No real loves in her life as of yet. She has a married sister and an aged father.
Hironobu Kuoga is a hugely popular star of Japanese television, most notably for a character on a long running prime-time soap. He is gorgeous not a pretty boy, but rugged and virile. Think Rufus Sewell, only oriental. He isn't a huge partier but he knows how to make himself at home in any situation. He has had a series of fairly serious relationships but he doesn't have a reputation as a rake. He's on fairly good terms with most of his exes, but there are a couple real winners in the bunch for sure. Despite all his play acting, he's never met what he considers to be a "real" woman, and he's starting to get cynical about the whole thing. His parents live in the remote village he grew up in.
Other Character Notes:
Keiko Otada is Ritusuko's younger sister. Kuwaii in every sense of the word. She worked as a secretary in a large law firm until her marriage, but now that her first child has been born she stays at home. Her main hobby in life is getting her sister married off. She met her husband due to one of her strategems. She knew a certain very cute cop habitually set up a speed trap, so one morning while they were on their way to shop she cold-bloodedly drove right past him at twice the posted speed. He and Riko didn't hit it off so good, but when she was standing in line to pay the fine she met her husband, who was there to pay a ticket of his own. The rest, as they say, is history. She's deliriously happy, and wishes she could make sure her sister was too.
Go Otada is Ritsuko's brother-in-law. A huge, placid man, he's Keiko's opposite in just about every way. He's a civil engineer by day, designing earth-stabilization systems for areas that are vulnerable to seismic activity. At home, his all-engrossing hobby is tinkering with antique cars. He cares deeply about his wife and child, and has settled happily into the life of a stereotypical "family man" without a hitch. He and Riko talk, mostly when Keiko has hatched another cack-brained scheme to get her married off. He's sympathetic to her, but mostly he just finds the entire thing funny. He's got a ne'er-do-well younger brother.
SETUP
Riko's living her life minding her own business, but her sister is trying desperately to get her married off.
Hiro - the pun is intentional, plot point of his friend teasing him with it - is trying to avoid having "relationships" because his years in the business make him believe that they don't exist except between the pages of romance novels and the soap operas he plays in.
CATALYST
RIKO and HIRO meet when KEIKO drags her to a book signing event and he's there.
EXT. STREET IN FRONT OF BOOKSTORE - DAY
KEIKO
Hurry up! Come on! You promised!
RIKO
I know, I know! Hang on a second. I have to put money in the meter.
KEIKO
I am so excited. I've been a fan for so long!
RIKO
I know. I know! Sheesh. Look, I don't recall promising that I would listen to your gushing all the way over here.
KEIKO
But isn't he just dreamy?!
(adjusts her hair by the reflection of the shop window)
RIKO shakes her head, and they enter the shop.
The place is completely packed with women from age 24 through 80. Many of them are carrying copies of a book, and there are huge posters of this guy hanging from the ceiling to match. Keiko bustles off to find the end of the line, and Riko ducks into the stacks to hide until it's all over. Riko and Hiro meet when he takes a wrong turn trying to avoid the gushing of some matron. They don't strike it off famously, but he uses the excuse of taking her for some coffee to get out of that crowd.
BENOFTMUE
His girlfriend-of-the-week leaves him, and in the process really hits him over the head with just how empty his life is.
PINCH
He accompanies her to a professional organization meeting, and it turns into a sort of a low-grade debacle as he finally gets drug face to face with how society sees her and how she sees herself.
Nothing really horrific, you understand. Mostly him and her both ending up with their feet in their mouth loudly and in some way that embarasses her in front of her colleagues.
CRISIS
They both face the professional and personal consequences of the PINCH incident. He gets some tabloid press about his weird rebound that shows up in some casting choices that hit him a bit and his previous girlfriend says some unkind thing when she's interviewed about it. Riko has to go back to work with those same guys only now they're aware that she's a girl in the most embarassing way, with the professional consequences of that - a lost minor promotion.
They've also both lost a friend, and they feel it. Particularly for her, do the whole montage of walking past the place where they met and seeing something that reminds her, the mutual friend who asks how he is the whole bit. Make it the most obviously bad string of events right out of a bad Meg Ryan flick. She sees it all happening, too, and is just furious about it not only with herself, but with the world.
SHOWDOWNS
Bu's Wedding
Even though she never really wants to see him again, she had promised she'd go and she never breaks her word. She shows up and things go fairly well at the reception for a while. She says nothing but pleasantries and he's too busy getting ready for his big moment toasting the bride and groom. They get through the formalities with him being charming but not overly so, which sort of startles his friend. Doesn't quite last, though. He says something out on the dance floor that sort of brings up the Pinch, and it turns it into her walking away and him following her out to the edge of the park where they have a huge argument.
At the climax of the whole thing, he accidentally blurts out how he really feels, and she just sort of freezes like one of her computers. She's standing there shaking her head and he's got her by the arms and is passionately declaring his feelings in the most stumbling, badly worded way. He finally staggers to a tongue-tied stop, and she's got tears running down her face and is laughing her arse off.
REALIZATION
He learns what love really feels like and comes to understand what it is about it that makes people go to the ends that they do to get it.
She comes to own that whole side of herself, and comes to terms with it.
Hopefully, the audience comes to an understanding that it isn't just the Princes and Princesses who live happily ever after.
posted by MsZilla at 11:07 PM
3 Comments:
Hmm. First thought, it sounds a lot like Pride and Prejudice, updated for modern Japan. And unless someone told me you wrote like Jane Austen, it wouldn't exactly be my usual bedtime fare. But then you do seem to have a playful, charming spirit about the whole thing, which is nice.
Second thought, Hiro (Full name Hiroaki Protagonist) is already the main character of Neal Stephenson's brilliant parody, Snow Crash; this probably doesn't make it off-limits, but it's an association I'd immediately make as a (non-target) reader. (I suspect you would like Snow Crash very much, given its gaming and hacking themes, if you haven't already read it.)
Hi.
I didn't know you had posted this or would have been here sooner.
The Riko charachter reminds me of someone Janeane Garafolo played in some movie whose name I can't recall. She seems the type that will ultimately be revealed to have greater passion than she ever knew, but that's a guess. I had a little trouble putting it all together, but after reviewing three times I think I have a minimal grasp of the story line here.
My only experience with the oriental psyche (if that's even a factor here) is from crappy movies and Amy Tan. I don't see any of either here, and it seems you are going with the more universal roles we humans take.
And, even though this definitely not the genre I normally read, I'm waiting for more.
Ozy
well, you seem to have the boy meets girl-loses-gets thing down as far as the sketch goes.
keeping a sense of awkwardness throughout the story would be a good idea. not just because of the lack of social graces, but because that is a (too) often a component of real relationships. the complications wrought by her somewhat lacking social skills and his being an actor (and thus often acting) are more like gravy than anything else. details, but the real crux should be illustrating how the defensive walls people have complicate situations when we want to take them down but can't.
nit to pick: by sexy, i assume you mean in a cultural sex-object sort of way. because "sexy" is a very personal thing. also, striking/elegant trumps cute (one can also be cute as well though). but it's by no means a negative thing. seems like you're going for, physically, the type that does catch your eye untill they actually put on some makeup, do their hair and slip into a nice dress; then it's nearly a shock, compared to the usual look. near the mark?
that's a first impression only though, so i might change my mind.
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